Open Letters Friday is a segment here at PCL for your reading and writing enjoyment. I’ll share with you some of my open letters for the week and you’ll get the opportunity in comments to share yours. Now, tell me, who do you need to write to this week?
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Dear Society:
I am so sick of seeing a new “Sh*t that _________ Say” video every single day.
Here’s the thing: I never watched the first one. I couldn’t even tell you what the first one was at this point. It might have been an amusing cultural observation or pure crap. I don’t know. All I know is that I’m sick of seeing them popping up about every segment of the population ever conceived. Here’s an idea: make a NEW type of video.
Sincerely,
Someone Who Says a Lot of Shit
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Dear Taco Bell:
So I hear you’re going to be serving breakfast soon. Unlike most people I’ve heard, I’m actually all for the idea. I think more places need to serve breakfast.
As an avid breakfast eater, let me give you a few tips: don’t try and put vegetables in things. The only exception to this is a breakfast burrito with very finely chopped up peppers. Everything else should be veggie-free. I got a bacon and egg sandwich from Tim Hortons once and it had a damn tomato slice and leaf of lettuce on it. Ruined the whole damn thing. Also, if you sell orange juice, don’t sell it in those tiny little cafeteria containers and charge a ridiculous price for them. Those things should cost 50 cents…tops. Finally, don’t be afraid to have something sweet on the menu. People have enough options for breakfast burritos to start with…be bold.
Remember that a breakfast burrito started the chain reaction leading to The Great Cornholio.
Also–and this is key–please learn to get your orders right. I have never gone through a Taco Bell drive thru without some sort of order mishap.
Sincerely,
A Fast Food Aficionado
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Dear Pat Sajak:
Tell me you aren't curious about these two as well...just tell me that with a straight face.
This week you revealed that you and Vanna White were often drunk on the set of Wheel of Fortune. People acted all shocked. Frankly, I’m not surprised one bit. I would be more surprised if you had said you did that show stone cold sober. No offense, but you have the most ridiculous contestants. Plus, the constant spinning of the wheel is annoying.
Although, come to think of it, I’m kind of surprised you never barfed after watching that thing go round and round while tanked.
Yours truly,
Someone Who’d Rather Know if You and Vanna Did the Deed
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Dear Boots I Ordered:
Get here quickly. Shit’s all slushy out there.
Coldly (only because my feet keep getting wet),
A Fool In Tennis Shoes
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Now it’s your turn! Get things off your chest. And you can check out other Open Letters Fridays here.
And if you are interested in having your Open Letter featured on the next Open Letters Friday here at PCL, e-mail me at kim@perfectlycursedlife.com.
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