i-am-a-feminist-maya-angelou-quotes-sayings-pictures

In the grand scheme of pop culture, nothing has the power to be more mind-numbingly asinine than the end of the year wrap up. Don’t get me wrong, there are some awesome ones. I love doing my Top 20 Songs of the year. But when we start playing off the Culture Gods with a sacrifice of top lessons, most valuable players and overused catch phrases we might as well be spending our bandwidth putting up excessive looped GIFs. (Thanks, Kat.)

So needless to say, I usually take these things with a lump of salt….the size of my car.

But when Time Magazine lists its finalists for the word to be banned for 2015 and slips “feminist” in there alongside “bae,” “obvi,” and “basic,” it says a lot about the world today and why we need feminism more than ever after all these years. This, in full disclosure, is Time’s case for banning feminist:

feminist: You have nothing against feminism itself, but when did it become a thing that every celebrity had to state their position on whether this word applies to them, like some politician declaring a party? Let’s stick to the issues and quit throwing this label around like ticker tape at a Susan B. Anthony parade.

Really? That’s what you’re coming at me with, Time? What a lackluster grouping of nonsense words that is. Obvi you ain’t got no sense to be anything but basic as you knock on First Wave Feminism’s bae, Susan B. Anthony.

auntlinda

What really grinds my gears about this is that it seems like such a nonsense thing, such an unimportant note of derision in a magazine that you only read ten months after the fact in a dentist’s office because you can’t get a cell signal….but it is actually quite important. See, the internet picks up on these things. And the internet has a large population of misogynistic assholes lurking in dark corners just waiting for an opportunity to stick it to women that dare to go out and have lives and political agendas that are at all attuned to the fact that women get shafted too often in society. Case in point: douchebags that have the time to hang out on 4chan are furiously trying to ensure that feminist wins this contest at Time so the Internet Has Spoken (TM) on feminism.

So let me break down my chief points of shade for both Time and 4chan asshats.

Time Magazine. You remember that time you were relevant? Yeah. I remember 1992 as well. It was fantastic when Bill Clinton was elected. I know you remember. People bought your magazine back then. But here’s the thing, Time. Coyly placing “feminist” among a bunch of words and phrases that a bunch of white people are trying to use in a sentence right as I type this to sound cooler doesn’t, in turn, make you cool. It makes you part of the problem–which is, of course, something we already knew. When we live in a world where women are routinely made the victims of violence in intimate and public settings and then often blamed for it, where women are lucky to make 77 cents on the dollar for what a man makes (and if you break down divisions of race, ethnicity and education you see even starker and more important disparities), where women are told their employers can choose their reproductive health methods as men fill Viagra scripts with minimal copays, where we are so hell bent on gender roles that we demonize those who choose to demonstrate the fact that they’re not destiny, where women of color are routinely denied access to their own reproductive systems by racist and sexist barriers, where women fail to be adequately represented in social and political institutions…well, Time, you have just proven that print journalism is so damn near dead that it’s desperate enough to deny basic reality in order to get attention. I mean, really what you’re doing is getting Beyonce to sell your magazine for you. At least go ask US Weekly how it’s really done, because this is pathetic.

feminist bey

Congrats. I hope you’re happy when you’re all handed boxes to clean out your offices next year because Buzzfeed has bought you out.

4chan nerds. If you are so hell bent on voting the word “feminist” all the way to the top of a banned words list you have simply proved the growing relevancy of feminism in a world that would rather claim it is post-feminist. So while I should be telling you off in the same manner I did for Time, I am going to thank you. Thank you for proving so starkly in one 20-second statement why we need feminism.

I dont need a boy

Thank you for helping me to explain to people why the internet can be such a dark place for women. Thank you for being a friend in the struggle to gain visibility for a set of issues the political and social world would rather not discuss. It is because of people like you that we’ll be discussing the word feminist more in 2015 than in 2014.  Thank you. I’ll send your official thank you card to your mom’s basement for her to bring down when she washes your next load of laundry.

*DROPS MIC*

drops mic lisa simpson

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Evil Mom

by kim on November 3, 2014 · 0 comments

in parenthood, Uncategorized

evil mom

There have been occasions when I have wondered if I am an evil mother. Now, don’t get me wrong. I think I’m actually a good mom. A fun mom. A cool mom even.

evil mom cool mom

But what they don’t tell you about being a parent is the limitless number of times you will either laugh at your child(ren) or somehow do something that has a tinge of selfishness to it. Before you call child protective services, let me explain myself. This will also serve my kids well when they prepare for their first appointments with new therapists.

Case Study 1: The Perfect Tantrum

It was getting late. We had all had a long day and the girls needed a bath. Halloween had come and gone and there were baths missed and candies had. I mean, no joke our kids were grimy. So we started the bedtime routine. Soon it became clear that Ellie was not willingly going in the tub without her lovey (a froghead rattle attached to a smooth blanket the size of a napkin) and a baby doll (she is obsessed with anything that looks human). So when I finally stripped them from her she yelled “NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!” and fell onto her knees, sobbing and then flopped onto her belly, stretched from the tips of her fingers to the tips of her toes in a straight line, and wailed.

And I laughed.

dorothy laugh

I hid it from her. Hell, I didn’t have to try hard because she was too busy doing her performance art piece to see me. But I kept it down and picked her up, stiff as a board, and carried her into the bathroom, trying really hard not to let her see me laugh.

Case Study 2: The Sleepy Smile

The girls have had non stop cold symptoms since they started daycare. It’s to be expected and although snot grosses me out more than most bodily fluids, it doesn’t phase me much. But after our second round of doctor’s visits and I asked if there was anything we could give them that would even help take the edge off the runny noses at night the doctor finally suggested Benadryl.

BloomGimme

Was it really so evil that I gleefully purchased that bottle of allergy medicine in full anticipation of a quick bedtime? Emma has an aversion to going to bed so many nights. You tell her it’s time for bed and she gets the biggest sad face on and starts to cry like it’s her job.

So excuse me for feeling a bit of joy if the MEDICALLY HELPFUL Benadryl has a side effect of making her a bit more compliant. And, yes, when I saw Emma climb into a doll bed when I picked her up from daycare I was a bit happy that she was tired out and would make an easy bedtime client tonight.

SO SUE ME.

(No…don’t.)

Case Study 3: The Give Up

This is less of a case study and more of a reality check. I have two kids, two cats and a dog. And a husband who, despite the fact that he tells me that he picks up his mess, does not pick up his own mess. Our place is small as it is and filled to the brim with crap. I have severely lowered my standards when it comes to things touching the floor. The fact is, my kids are like a puppy on a walk–they’ll pick up anything and taste it. I found Ellie eating food when I went to get her out of the car yesterday. The surprising part is that I didn’t give her any food. I have no idea where it came from. I hope it was tasty.

its not that im lazy

Tonight, Ellie took her fries from her Happy Meal (the post-daycare meal of choice) and spilled them on the ground to survey which ones to eat first. Six months ago I would have taken them away. A year ago I would have gasped a bit. Tonight I just let the fries fly. Cat hair and germs are good for toddlers, right?

Case Study 4: The Loose Leash

No, I don’t literally keep my kids on a leash (though with twins I can see how you might need to at times). But on Halloween when a sugar-obsessed Ellie (seriously…you should see this kid on chocolate) climbed on top of my parents’ kitchen table to reach the candy bowl, I gave her a good ten seconds before I said anything. I have to say that I was impressed not only with her can-do attitude, but her fearlessness in climbing onto the table when her sister was merely reaching from the chair was worth seeing through.

im not even mad

And when Emma thought it’d be funny to crawl across the unused dance floor at my aunt and uncle’s 50th wedding anniversary party, I let her do it. Sure, she can walk, but who cares? She was having fun with her Uncle Andy and getting all tired in the process. So what if a Goldfish ended up being smashed into the dance floor? It’s all in good fun.

I don’t think I’m a bad mom. We do cool things. We make up songs. We joke about bellies and farts and all kinds of things. Emma thinks it’s hilarious to blow snot bubbles (it’s not). Ellie thinks it’s funny to fart in my general direction (it kind of is). I just…I’m not hyperactive. And that makes me the odd one out in some circles. I don’t mind them having Happy Meals now and again. I don’t care if they get dirty. I am open about my love for Benadryl.

I am fully aware that I will mess my kids up. But I think that knowing that I’ve got a hint of evil in me let’s me tailor my responses appropriately. I mean, I did hide my laughter at the tantrum, my joy about the Benadryl and the amazement at the climb to the top of the table. Maybe that makes me a really awesome mom after all, right?

No matter what you say I will still laugh like hell at a good tantrum. That shit is hilarious.

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Songs in My Head

October 22, 2014

Yes, it’s multiple posts in one week! Let’s hope it starts a trend. Speaking of trends (see how I did that…genius…), here are some songs that have been in my head lately. I am a sucker for listicles about artists I should know. I feel like it’s part wanting to prove them wrong (Yes, I […]

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The Nick of Time

October 20, 2014

Let me be brutally clear–time has not been friendly lately. I have been swamped in a way that is even heavy for someone who can usually handle a busy life. I knew it was coming, but it hit me like a ton of bricks. And what I need more than anything is the ability to […]

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My Life Lately…A Tale of GIFs, Part 10

September 26, 2014

I have to apologize to the three people who still read this blog…I’ve been beyond lax. And it’s not because i’ve been lazy in life. It’s because life is a bag of dicks when it comes to allowing me time for this very important space on the internet. So I’m going to attempt to kick […]

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Dear Roger Goodell

September 10, 2014

Dear Roger Goodell, You don’t know me. You likely never will. But your idiocy has me considering a Kickstarter account to buy an football franchise just so I can mess up your meetings and start a campaign to openly overthrow you as commissioner of the National Football League. You are an egotist, no doubt. It takes […]

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Arriving and Departing

September 3, 2014

“The truth is of course is that there is no journey. We are arriving and departing all at the same time.”- David Bowie Earlier this summer, our Monday babysitter, Miss Sandi, let me know that there was a good possibility that she would not be able to continue watching the girls in the fall. The […]

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Madness and Genius: Loss and Laughter

August 11, 2014

There are times of mass mourning when a public figure dies. Inevitably, this leads to people becoming grim at the celebrity culture in general. In most part, I couldn’t agree more. But the cynic in some people leads them to chime in that the masses are fools for mourning the loss of a soul. I […]

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Your Move, Freud

July 24, 2014

It is an elementary primal emotion for humans that when we feel scarcity approaching, we horde. The conveniences of modern life have lessened this, but we all have our triggers. Hell, our bodies do it with food (which is one reason why dieting is so bad for you). It’s a way to adapt and survive. […]

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Let’s All Go to the Movies

July 14, 2014

When I was younger–high school and college-aged–I used to go to the movies like it was my job. In fact, it was kind of a dream job to be a movie critic. But that dream faded much like my dreams of being a rock star, actress and veterinarian. Mr. CVD and I had our lunch […]

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