Random Thoughts

by kim on March 26, 2015 · 1 comment

in random thoughts


  • This is the first random thoughts post since March 6, 2014. Holy shit.

nothing wrong with me

  • The Mister is currently streaming some random Ted Talks. I don’t know whether to like this for the general factor or be irritated with them.

download (24)

  • Ted Cruz is signing up for Obamacare. He also failed to register his domain before announcing his candidacy for the president’s job. It’s hard impossible not to laugh.


  • My allergies have already started to kick it hardcore. It’s not even April.

face smush

  • I need someone who can create these Golden Girls crochet dolls for me. I’ll spring for the pattern. And the yarn.


  • The X-Files is coming back for a limited run. I honestly thought I’d wake up and this would be some weird dream I had. It wasn’t. It’s real. This is not a drill.

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  • Madonna complained about her childhood in suburban Detroit. All of these random public figures including the new mayor of the town she complained about as being too white (it still is) are on her case for it. Yet every time I talk to people they complain about it, too. People always have these weird things about where they grew up. Who the hell cares? She’s probably right. That’s what has their underwear in a twist. And I don’t give a flying frig.

expressing myself

  • Glee finally ended and I didn’t watch. I haven’t in years. In fact, when I saw all of these series finale posts I realized it was still on. #sorrynotsorry because that show was hit or miss at best and it got really miss really quickly.

already bored

  • Have you watched The Jinx on HBO about Robert Durst? You should. That shit is cray. I have so many thoughts about it and none of them are profound…just gossipy and delicious like a warm, fresh-out-the-oven chocolate chip cookie.


and now we wait

  • I use the “save for later” function on Facebook all the time now and I currently have 528 things in my saved folder. I will certainly get around to those any day now when I have some free time. Oh…wait…

would if i could bitch

What’s been on your mind lately?


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For Funk’s Sake

by kim on March 10, 2015 · 1 comment

in parenthood, Uncategorized

This is not a post about the good kind of funk.


Sorry George Clinton and the Parliament Funkadelic. That post will have to be for another day.

This, my dear friends, is a post about the funk known as Winter 2014-2015.

This is a post about the funk that is the physical, mental and spiritual plague that has haunted this doorstep far too often this season. This is about germs and biological nightmares.

This is about a woman on the edge.

(Can I get an amen?)


I used to hear about families of young children who would go through sickness after sickness, seemingly unending strains of viruses and bacteria and wonder, naively, “What is wrong with those people?” Because clearly they weren’t doing something right. How could it be that the simple addition of a small child add so many illnesses to the lifecycle of cold and flu season? How could the adults of the home succomb to such wanton disregard for immunities? Where was the logic? Were they just out of Lysol spray?

And then I had two kids in daycare.


This house has been a non-stop biological warfare facility for a good six months now. It just will not end. I’ve never claimed to have a magic immune system, but I usually get one really bad respiratory thing a year.

This year?

We have had so many cold viruses that it would be impossible to keep track as we do not know when one ends and the next begins. Ellie has had so many ear infections and antibiotic prescriptions she ended up with ear tubes. We all had the stomach flu in January that led to my absence from the living room and the Xanax fiasco. And now, just to round out the thing, we have had a virus so violent that makes you ache like a 98 year old woman on the edge of a cold front while your digestive tract stages a full scale nuclear-style revolt. I am hoping whatever Ellie had last week was this and it’s on its way out of the house but one can never be sure. Meanwhile, my parents and good ol’ Uncle Andy got it as well. In the past two months I have thrown up like I was pregnant both in frequency and in weird locations (Buffalo Wild Wings and an emergency room? CHECK. CHECK.) This one is a full-blown family meltdown.

target lady

I am so sick of being sick that no one would bat an eyelash if I literally lost my mind at this point.

So, I would like to put a mea culpa out there. I retract all of my sideways glances at parents of young children who claim they can’t stay healthy. I regret thinking it has anything to do with the lack of use of appropriate numbers of antibacterial wipes, failure to eat more or better vegetables or vitamins.

stand in your wrongness

It is clear that no sort of change in health care provider will eliminate this mess. I’d ask for an old priest and a young priest, but I’m almost certain the exorcism necessary to rid us of this demon would kill us all.

In other words: I was wrong.

there i have said it

And now I have the joy of two kids, both at the same stage of ZERO IMMUNITY TO ANYTHING circulating this through my house to rub my face in it.

You win, Karma.

But tonight, I opened the windows in the house. We are airing this joint out. I don’t care if I have to get on Angie’s List to find my local voodoo specialist and get that hippie over here to burn some sage. I am done with this. This funk can get the funk out and stay out. I will hunt it down…this is not over, funk. Not by a long shot.

bb stay out of my territory


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Let Me Fail

February 17, 2015

I don’t like failing. No one really does. It’s required for human growth. We cannot truly succeed without having tasted failure at some point. You cannot know a fine wine without tasting your fair share of boxed atrocities. But the boxed atrocities have their purpose. One of the classes I teach is a dual enrollment […]

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Trophies for my Mental Mantle

January 30, 2015

Sometimes the least impactful accomplishments mean the most to me. I’m weird like that. What can I say? I have three degrees and never got a thrill from any of them. But I sure as hell can vividly recall jumping off a cliff in Jamaica, walking a 5k in the midst of infertility drug haziness. […]

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I Can Write a Book

January 12, 2015

Kids, amirite? Since the girls started daycare this fall, we have been exposed to a myriad of viruses and bacteria. Pink eye, sinus infections, ear infections (aplenty), hand foot and mouth, and, or course, the stomach flu. When I heard that Ellie threw up at my mom’s house I felt horrible for her. It must […]

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All These Little Drafts

January 8, 2015

This fall kicked my ass front, back and sideways. I knew it was coming. I braced for it. I bore down and took nothing for granted. And, in the end, it was still as frustrating as I thought it would be. That’s not to say it was all bad. But it is to say that […]

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Ban This Feminist?

November 12, 2014

In the grand scheme of pop culture, nothing has the power to be more mind-numbingly asinine than the end of the year wrap up. Don’t get me wrong, there are some awesome ones. I love doing my Top 20 Songs of the year. But when we start playing off the Culture Gods with a sacrifice […]

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Evil Mom

November 3, 2014

There have been occasions when I have wondered if I am an evil mother. Now, don’t get me wrong. I think I’m actually a good mom. A fun mom. A cool mom even. But what they don’t tell you about being a parent is the limitless number of times you will either laugh at your […]

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Songs in My Head

October 22, 2014

Yes, it’s multiple posts in one week! Let’s hope it starts a trend. Speaking of trends (see how I did that…genius…), here are some songs that have been in my head lately. I am a sucker for listicles about artists I should know. I feel like it’s part wanting to prove them wrong (Yes, I […]

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The Nick of Time

October 20, 2014

Let me be brutally clear–time has not been friendly lately. I have been swamped in a way that is even heavy for someone who can usually handle a busy life. I knew it was coming, but it hit me like a ton of bricks. And what I need more than anything is the ability to […]

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