Thoughts on Another Birthday

Remember when birthdays used to be so exciting?  I remember as a kid and a teenager really looking forward to my birthday–like really looking forward to it.  Things just seemed a bit more magical on birthdays.  People brought you cards and gifts and everyone made it seem like your day.

Now that I’m an adult, I’m afraid the glimmer has faded from birthdays.  It seems once you pass the age of 21, there’s nothing to really mark as an”occasion” anymore.  Sure, people give you greetings and note the day.  But some of the magic seems to be gone.

Last year on this date, the stock market crashed, signaling Armageddon to some and tough times to all.  I took it in stride, trying not to place significance on the fact that the apocalypse occurred on my birthday.  But over time, it seemed that it wasn’t just investment bankers riding the wave of an unstable economy–it was me riding the wave of an unstable year.

Soon after my birthday, a wave of depression hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks.  I spent the better part of my days trying to make it out in one piece, or at least multiple pieces that could be put back together at some point.  Winter came and I thought my anxieties would calm.  But they only cooled.

In the Spring I realized I had to make some changes, but was still stuck in the places my old life left me.  I fought against the status quo with battering fists on a brick wall until finally I got the change I thought I wanted in Summer.  Quickly I realized, though, that change in and of itself isn’t always the ultimate answer.  The answer lied in a place that required more self reflection than I was willing to admit was necessary.  But eventually, I found the right questions to start asking myself.

Today is one of those days where I look back on things and wonder what has changed, where I’m going and where I’ve been.  Maybe that’s the magic of birthdays–they give us a point from which to review the ups and downs of life.  Maybe it isn’t cake and candles, cards and gifts, fun and fancy…maybe it’s just simple still thought that we don’t afford ourselves most days of the year.

My birthday wish every year is always to find the kind of happiness that can be called contentment.  This year is no less, but almost something more.  This year my wish is to find the kind of contentment that can lead to happiness.