One of the things you get after being married two years (hell, even two seconds these days) is the question of when you’re going to have kids. It’s never “if” it’s always “when,” which is moderately irritating. Lately, kids have been popping up everywhere (babies that is) and it’s got me thinking that someone is trying to pull a fast one on me.
For the record, I do want kids. But not right now. I’m not ready nor do I have the time or patience right now. I like going home and not having someone all up in my grill the minute I walk through the door. I like sleeping through the night, only being woken up by The Mister’s random antics and my alarm in the morning (well, I don’t like being woken up by either, but if I had to pick two distractions, I’d pick those). And kids, well, they ruin all of that.
But as much as I try to avoid it, babies are sprouting up like it’s a Natasha Bedding field song. The Mister’s family just had two new baby additions. People from high school have toddlers or older. Even the crazies from law school have started having babies and getting knocked up. And since law school was so competitive, I wonder if I’m supposed to compete with that as well.
Some days I get in the baby mood. I feel like I could be a good mom now and that I should get on the bandwagon before my already stressed reproductive organs just give up the ghost for good. But then I realize how many plans of mine that would derail. And just being worried about my own plans and not a baby makes me realize how unready I truly am.
When I was growing up, Mom, bless her soul, never had a “career”. She floundered from place to place, job to job, profession to profession, always in search for the right thing. She, like my father, never finished college, though she actually did take classes. And I distinctly remember feeling, even as a kid, that we kind of got in the way of her finding the right path. She never did or said anything that made us feel that way, it was just a feeling I got. One time I even asked her what she wanted, as a child, to be when she grew up and her answer was “I don’t know.” It made me really sad.
My answer is certainly not “I don’t know.” But my footing on the ground of what I want to be isn’t stable enough to support the weight of a child and me–that much I do know. I don’t want my kids to watch me scrape by or jump from one profession to the next. I want to get that out of the way before they arrive. And if that means they may never arrive, then that’s the risk I take.
One day I’ll be patient and prepared enough to have a baby all up in my grill at all times. And if it happens before I’m ready, then it happens. But, for now, I’m going to put on my rubber suit, take an extra pill in the morning and protect myself from the growing epidemic while I still can. I still have some exploring of my own to do.
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The question just gets worse as the years pass. Josh & I are at 5 years & I get it at every family get together we have throughout the year. We are the only couple that does not have a child at this point. What they don’t know is that I struggle with infertility & each time they ask me, I just want to slap them in the face.
Good for you. There were times I felt like Mom resented us. Most of the time, actually. I never, ever want to make a kid feel that way…
ps: would you please update your blogroll with my new url? cattails.me kay, thanks, love you…
xoxo
Good thinking.
Having children WHEN you want them is a delight!
My Mom always said she wished she had been a nurse. It was her dream. I was quick to point out to her she WAS a nurse. She had nursed me every time I was sick, and she did the same for my siblings, her Mother who lived with us, and my dad’s Dad who also lived with us. What a nurse she was and just didn’t realize it until I told her. How blessed we were to be her children.
Your “right” time will come when it is supposed to (if ever). It’s not a good idea to allow peer pressure to have a baby (if that were the case, I’d have a house-full with all the pressure I get from Pete’s parents.)
Being a mom is the very best thing I’ve ever done with my life, but I did it on MY terms. And so should YOU.
Before we were even engaged, the woman that is now my mother in-law “casually” mentioned one morning that if I were to get pregnant, I would have their full support and to understand that she didn’t think marriage had to be a part of the equation. If I were to have a baby. Like right now. Her grand child. No worries.
I was thinking, “So, uh…hooray for your feminism, but DAMN!”
She seems to think there is “no hope” for her other daughter in-law as she’s in early thirties and I’m still in my “fertile twenties”.
Good Lord…I’m already dreading Christmas.
I thought the same way you did until one day I got pregnant. I was separated from my then husband and so we decided to give it a second try. Things were never the same between us and we are now divorced. But I will tell you one thing. Having my son, as unplanned as it was, it has been the most amazing blessing in the world. While I am not pursuing my dream career with the FBI, I have been blessed with a career in social work, which has always been my plan. God works in mysterious ways, and just when you think you cannot add one more drama or routine to your life, there it is and you make adjustments to make it happen. My son is the love of my life and I would not have it any other way. I have NO regrets about having him even though I always said I didn’t want to have children because I wanted to be a successful career woman; today I am that and a mother. It is the best thing in the world.
I don’t know that I’ll ever feel prepared enough. I’ll see, I guess. I just have a lot of exploring to do, too. And I’d like to have more answers to the questions I’m sure a son or daughter would ask.
Marvelously written post.
I have never regretted remaining childless. I figure somebody has to not have kids to help balance out someone on the planet who has had more than two.
A recent article in LiveScience is eye-opening to say the least.
So is the recent blog post by La Belette Rouge, who has had to (sorrowfully) adjust to the fact that she cannot have children. Her journey of adjustment and acceptance is marvelous to read, and this post was eventful in that course.
Oops, here is the link to the post at La Belette Rouge. (CLICK)
NO BABIES NO WAY NO HOW
(they’re just so…sticky)
No one is ever fully prepared for a kid…no way. It is a life changing experience and it does create some chaos. You can have your job in order, your home and a partner but learning how to meet the needs of another human dependent on you is not something you can prepare for. The way your heart grows to love this person unlike any love yuo’ve known is not something you can prepare for. After they are in your life that is when you have a choice to decide how you feel about them, accepting the blessing they are or resenting the adjustments they require, whether you wanted them or not.
Good for you for realizing that you aren’t ready. I feel like there are a lot of people our age who are having kids and just are not ready to deal with everything that being a parent entails.
Plus, I think it would suck not to be able to get all the “you” stuff out of the way before you started having kids. My mom waited so long to have my brother and I that she already had a PhD. And I know that she loves her PhD and if she had gotten pregnant before she finished it, she may not have it.
Go do what you want now. You can have kids later!
I can so relate, although lately I’ve just been in a baby craze
I can’t wait to have kids, even though I know it will be a huge challenge to balance that and a career. So, step 1 – find the man, lol. I’m just kidding, but I’m really loving getting to adore all my friends’ children (over 75% of my friends are married, many with kids).
Oh, and I’ve given you an award!
http://teasinglydiverse.wordpress.com/2009/10/15/takin-care-of-business/
I’m not even married and I get the “when” questions only because my little brother is having a baby. So irritating! Perhaps it’s all part of being a 20something… Everyone waiting for us to pop out little ones. Like you, I’m down with waiting a while.
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