Despite the fact that it appears the world is going down the toilet lately, I like to have some rules and consistency in my life. To me, living life without principles is akin to living no life at all. Why bother participating in society if you’re not going to be an active participant?
I’ll be the first to admit, though, that sometimes my principles get in the way of me living a decent life on a daily basis. Remember that line from That Thing You Do where the one band member says to another, “There he goes. Off to write the hit song ‘Alone In My Principles.’”?
Yeah, that is so funny to me because it’s true.
One of those stated principles has brought me some degree of misery as of late. You see, I decided long ago that I was not going to de-friend someone on Facebook for merely stating a political or social opinion (unless that opinion was racist, sexist or homophobic). As the nation gets more politicized in the months preceding the presidential election, I find that this principled stance is getting harder and harder to enforce. How do I keep people on my friends list who are clearly nut jobs?
I think I’ve finally arrived at the point where I’m ready to make some new rules about social media. It’s clear that I am alone in my principles and that my solitude here is preventing me from making good decisions. Thus, I’ve decided to come up with new rules for social media friendship and present them here.
The Ten Types of People I Will Unfriend or Unfollow on Social Media
- People who think autism is caused by vaccines despite the fact that the study this was based off of was proven to be false and the investigator admitted falsifying his data. If you are convinced this is true, perhaps you should become a doctor and medical researcher and do the scientific work necessary to further your cause, because thus far there has been no scientific link to any of this. This goes double for anyone thinking that politicians get “clean” versions of vaccines or that there’s some conspiracy to kill us all with vaccines. If there is a conspiracy, it sure isn’t working on us since we’re constantly pushing the boundaries of mortality.
- People who take gratuitous photos of themselves in the mirror on a daily or weekly basis for no good reason. No new haircut, no new outfit, no anything, just a random picture and a glaring flash? See you in another life, sister.
- People who think that no one can suffer in any way except them or that others’ suffering is not worthy of attention. Get this: other people can suffer just as bad or worse than you. You are not the martyr you think you are, so stop acting like one.
- People who listen to and agree with 50% or more of what is said by the following people: Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, Ann Coulter, Laura Schlessinger, Sean Hannity, Phyllis Schlafly, John Boehner, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul. If you honestly believe that any of the aforementioned individuals aren’t heterosexist, racist, misogynistic twits, then you and aren’t even in the same galaxy.
- People who ask me to join asinine games like Castleville. We all did that two years ago when it was called Farmville and have since gotten lives and moved on with the world. Here’s a hint: if it says that I’m not playing the game, then I don’t want to play it.
- People who fight with or do nothing but complain about their significant other on the internet. It’s funny at first, but it gets REALLY old really quick. I don’t need to get a blow by blow of your argument or disagreement. I don’t care. And it clogs up my page with your idiocy. You have a problem with each other? Deal with it in person.
- People who constantly push some weight loss product on their timeline or detail their weight loss regularly on social media. No one cares that you lost 12 lbs this week or that you sell some super amazing program that will allow you to shed your body fat in ten days. Guess what? I’ll see you on the other side when you’re just as fat (if not moreso) and still haven’t learned to love your body.
- People who are constantly lacking in the grammar department on simple things. I’m sorry, but your posts give me a headache. There is no excuse for certain transgressions. This is especially true on Facebook where you have no character limit. There’s no need to use text-talk on the character limit-free Facebook. Misusing hashtags on Twitter also gets old after awhile.
- People who use old-fashioned or new-fashioned racism to discredit President Obama. This includes people who think Obama is Muslim, the anti-Christ, a terrorist or a socialist. First, who cares if he’s a Muslim? This is America in 2012, not England in 1620. Second, I’m pretty sure if he were the anti-Christ he’d have carried out his diabolical schemes by now. No one waits to see if they get a second term just to demolish society. Third, if he’s a terrorist, he certainly does a poor job of showing it. I mean, you’d think killing Bin Laden would be the last thing on his list. And if you think he’s a socialist then you have NO idea what socialism is and I beg you to learn.
- People who think it’s okay to get rid of their pet or to purchase an animal from a backyard breeder. There are over five million dogs in shelters on any given day. You having a baby or purchasing a new home does not qualify as one of the events I think is worthy of a free pass on giving up your pet and adding to the problem. And there’s no need to purchase dogs, but if you wish to then only buy from breeders who are seriously concerned with the betterment of the breed. Here’s a hint: no mixed breed dog comes from a legitimate breeder. A cocka-poo is just a mutt as is a labradoodle. There are plenty of worthy mutts down at the pound.