Open Letters Friday is a segment here at PCL for your reading and writing enjoyment. I’ll share with you some of my open letters for the week and you’ll get the opportunity in comments to share yours. Now, tell me, who do you need to write to this week?
Dear Detroit Tigers:
I’d be remiss if I didn’t address today’s first letter to you.
First, CONGRATS on your accomplishments. We’re going to the World Series, baby!
Second, THANK you for proving me wrong. There’s a statement you’re not going to get too often from this gal. I really thought in August that there was no chance. You know who never believed me and reminded me on a weekly basis that we were, in fact, going to the World Series? The Mister. You guys should send more than a Christmas ornament this year. That guy is your biggest fan. If he doubted you, he never showed it. It’s probably his stubborn nature, but in this case it paid off.
KIRTHMON F. DOZIER/Detroit Free Press
See you next week…let’s go nail this thing down. I need a good sports parade in my town.
No Longer Doubting Kim
Dear Yankees Fans:
I’m sorry. That was just awful to watch knowing a few of you. Obviously I wanted the Yankees to lose, but not like that. To me, that’s no fun. I’m not a big fan of sweeps. (Though I do remember riding through town with a broom out of my car window in high school during the Red Wings Stanley Cup run once or twice…that was fun.)
My suggestion? Get rid of A-Rod any way you can.
I know that’s not the only problem, but that guy seems to be infecting the whole team. His attitude is horrible and he gets paid way too much to warm the bench. Pay him just as much to get the hell out of town.
See you next year,
Someone Who’d Rather Have a Competitive Series
Dear Mitt Romney:
Thank you for making that “binders full of women,” comment. I think it helped illustrate how out of touch you truly are with reality, especially the reality that there are a plethora of qualified women in the world, not to mention the Commonwealth of Massachusetts (ever heard of Harvard, MIT, etc.?).
But more than that, it gave me plenty of awesome memes to look at this week. And you know how I love a good meme.
Have fun reading through your binders.
A Woman That a Binder Can’t Contain
Dear Tagg Romney:
First of all, NICE NAME. Who named you? Sarah Palin? Christ.
Secondly, thanks for letting us know that you wanted to punch President Obama because he called your dad out on a lie. Well, many lies. You said you were made because he called your dad “a liar.”
Here’s the thing, Tagg…your dad is a liar. Maybe you should be mad about that instead of mad about people calling him out on the truth. I get it, I’d defend my dad as well. But saying that you wanted to assault a person because they called your dad out for not telling the truth is just pathological. My dad tells horrible jokes…you don’t see me threatening to strangle people who fail to laugh at them. And that is where you went all Scary Larry.
I guess you were upset because they were allegedly making your dad out to be “someone he’s not.” Well, let me tell you something: catching people in lies and comparing their previous statements to current ones is not building a fictional character…it’s good politics.
Maybe you’re upset because of your shitty name. Maybe you’re upset because your dad is going to lose. Maybe you’re upset because you didn’t have a V8. I don’t know. What I do know is that you’re a sore loser…and that is less attractive than that horrid name you carry around.
Get a life.
Someone Who is Angrier That Your Dad Insinuated That I Need Flexible Schedules to Cook Dinner
Now it’s your turn! Get things off your chest. And you can check out other Open Letters Fridays here.
And if you are interested in having your Open Letter featured on the next Open Letters Friday here at PCL, e-mail me firstname.lastname@example.org.