Open Letters Friday, Volume 106

by kim on October 19, 2012 · 4 comments

in Open Letters Friday

Open Letters Friday is a segment here at PCL for your reading and writing enjoyment. I’ll share with you some of my open letters for the week and you’ll get the opportunity in comments to share yours. Now, tell me, who do you need to write to this week?

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Dear Detroit Tigers:

I’d be remiss if I didn’t address today’s first letter to you.

First, CONGRATS on your accomplishments.  We’re going to the World Series, baby!

Second, THANK you for proving me wrong.  There’s a statement you’re not going to get too often from this gal.  I really thought in August that there was no chance.  You know who never believed me and reminded me on a weekly basis that we were, in fact, going to the World Series? The Mister.  You guys should send more than a Christmas ornament this year.  That guy is your biggest fan.  If he doubted you, he never showed it.  It’s probably his stubborn nature, but in this case it paid off.

 

KIRTHMON F. DOZIER/Detroit Free Press

See you next week…let’s go nail this thing down.  I need a good sports parade in my town.

Love always,

No Longer Doubting Kim

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Dear Yankees Fans:

I’m sorry. That was just awful to watch knowing a few of you.  Obviously I wanted the Yankees to lose, but not like that.  To me, that’s no fun.  I’m not a big fan of sweeps. (Though I do remember riding through town with a broom out of my car window in high school during the Red Wings Stanley Cup run once or twice…that was fun.)

My suggestion?  Get rid of A-Rod any way you can.

I know that’s not the only problem, but that guy seems to be infecting the whole team.  His attitude is horrible and he gets paid way too much to warm the bench.  Pay him just as much to get the hell out of town.

See you next year,

Someone Who’d Rather Have a Competitive Series

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Dear Mitt Romney:

Thank you for making that “binders full of women,” comment.  I think it helped illustrate how out of touch you truly are with reality, especially the reality that there are a plethora of qualified women in the world, not to mention the Commonwealth of Massachusetts (ever heard of Harvard, MIT, etc.?).

But more than that, it gave me plenty of awesome memes to look at this week.  And you know how I love a good meme.

Have fun reading through your binders.

Never yours,

A Woman That a Binder Can’t Contain

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Dear Tagg Romney:

First of all, NICE NAME. Who named you? Sarah Palin?  Christ.

 

Secondly, thanks for letting us know that you wanted to punch President Obama because he called your dad out on a lie.  Well, many lies.  You said you were made because he called your dad “a liar.”

Here’s the thing, Tagg…your dad is a liar.  Maybe you should be mad about that instead of mad about people calling him out on the truth.  I get it, I’d defend my dad as well.  But saying that you wanted to assault a person because they called your dad out for not telling the truth is just pathological.  My dad tells horrible jokes…you don’t see me threatening to strangle people who fail to laugh at them.  And that is where you went all Scary Larry.

I guess you were upset because they were allegedly making your dad out to be “someone he’s not.”  Well, let me tell you something: catching people in lies and comparing their previous statements to current ones is not building a fictional character…it’s good politics.

Maybe you’re upset because of your shitty name.  Maybe you’re upset because your dad is going to lose.  Maybe you’re upset because you didn’t have a V8.  I don’t know.  What I do know is that you’re a sore loser…and that is less attractive than that horrid name you carry around.

Get a life.

Sincerely,

Someone Who is Angrier That Your Dad Insinuated That I Need Flexible Schedules to Cook Dinner

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Now it’s your turn!  Get things off your chest. And you can check out other Open Letters Fridays here.

And if you are interested in having your Open Letter featured on the next Open Letters Friday here at PCL, e-mail me atkim@perfectlycursedlife.com.

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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Megg October 19, 2012 at 9:34 am

Tagg looks like one evil sumbitch in that photo. Srsly – he looks like he’s about to punch a baby, then run naked down an apartment complex hallway with a chainsaw. Ugh. And, for some reason it really cracks me up that Mitt appears to be wearing expensive loungewear pajamas in the baby picture. Not that I expected anything less, but really, seeing him in his douchebag jammies just makes me feel like I was right all along.

Tagg’s name, along with the names of the Palin kids, reminds me of that old Mad TV sketch about out of control kid names. “Dorito…Iridium….Sinutab…” There was a little girl born at the hospital my friend works at whose parents named her Vagina. Pronouced “Va-geena” but still – damn.

I’m not a baseball fan really, but Jamie sure is, and he’s pretty pissed. Not at the Tigers, but at his Yankees, for their continuing problems getting hits with RISP. He and I were joking that basically all the Tigers would have to do is load the bases, then the next three hitters would go down 1-2-3. Unreal. Yeah, and A-Rod is a prick. An overpriced, underperforming prick. Oh, and Prince Fielder looks just like his daddy – you know, minus the dreads.

Having had a yearly TVU for over a decade now, I cannot imagine how they got that woman to smile for that picture – clearly staged. I repeat – ugh.

Reply

kim October 23, 2012 at 11:58 am

Those PJs probably cost him more than I spend on food for the week.

Reply

Smedette October 20, 2012 at 4:34 pm

My Dear Yankees – WAY TO STAB ME IN THE HEART, GUYS.

I must say, the better team won and the Tigers should be congratulated. I will be rooting for them in the World Series.

As for A-Rod…I doubt anyone wants him. The Yanks are going to be eating some serious cash to rid themselves of him.

Reply

kim October 23, 2012 at 11:59 am

I don’t think A-Rod wants himself. Maybe that’s why he was tossing baseballs with his number into the crowd. Not for a date, but just for someone to come kidnap him.

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