Open Letters Friday is a segment here at PCL for your reading and writing enjoyment. I’ll share with you some of my open letters for the week and you’ll get the opportunity in comments to share yours. Now, tell me, who do you need to write to this week?
Dear Douchebags Suing the Detroit Institute of Arts:
Here’s the thing: we voted on a millage proposal that would allow for free general admission to the museum for residents of the tri-county area. It was great that we approved it because it was the right thing to do for a variety of reasons. But then come you five lovebirds and decide that since you had to pay extra for a SPECIAL EXHIBIT that your rights were somehow violated.
I have no doubt that you never supported the millage or the DIA in the first place. You’re just the type that has been waiting for a reason to sue because you have a red ass that your property taxes went up $15 a year to keep a world class institution open. Stop being a group of whiny losers and pay the special exhibit fee or don’t go. It’s that simple.
You have managed to give those East Siders a worse name than they already had. Get over yourselves.
A Supporter of the Arts and Willing Payer of Special Exhibit Fees
Oh look. Obama hasn’t ruined the economy after all. In fact, unemployment was just reported to have fallen to 2008 levels. While those levels still suck, it is hardly the economic disaster you predicted if Obama were to be reelected.
By the way, this is yet another reason why you have no credibility on the so-called “fiscal cliff” issue. In case you were wondering…which I’m sure you’re not since you aren’t that clever.
Hugs and kisses,
Your Favorite Bleeding Heart Liberal
Dear Local Radio Station:
I’m not a huge fan of all of the ways people will go nuts about helping those in need during the holidays and forget them the rest of the year. So I take all kinds of holiday wish-granting episodes with a grain of salt.
You caught a pregnant woman in the car on a gray morning with a story about a woman who lost her husband to cancer last year, has three young boys to care for and is now battling cancer herself. So yeah, I cried my eyes out as I pulled into the parking lot at work.
So thanks for helping this family have a good holiday. And thanks for making me look ridiculously deranged as I walked into the building with a face clearly ravaged by a good case of the sobs.
Mayor of Hormone City
Yeah. You best get ready. A bunch of rich folks are about to visit. I’m sure they’ll muck up your day and leave trash on your surface. Don’t be surprised if you hear someone complain that there isn’t a Starbucks up there.
I think it would be neat to visit you one day. But I just know these first visitors are not going to be the type of people you want to hang out with on the regular.
Yours in solidarity against rich whiny types,
Someone Who Wouldn’t Need a Starbees in Space