Open Letters Friday, Volume 117

by kim on March 22, 2013 · 0 comments

in Open Letters Friday

Open Letters Friday is a segment here at PCL for your reading and writing enjoyment. I’ll share with you some of my open letters for the week and you’ll get the opportunity in comments to share yours. Now, tell me, who do you need to write to this week?

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Dear PBS:

Why isn’t Sesame Street on more often?  No one likes Barney.  These new fangled things are unnecessary.  Are you siding with Mitt Romney?

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GIVE US MORE SESAME STREET! I’m pretty sure failing to show more Sesame Street means the terrorists have won.

Sincerely,

Mother of Twins, One of Whom Needs to Sit in Swing and Turn Head a Towards the TV Due to Flat Spot on Other Side

P.S. When did Elmo get his pilot’s license? That seems extraordinarily dangerous for him to be flying hoes around without one.

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Dear Amanda Bynes:

What the hell happened to you?  One day you were all cute and fun and staring in groundbreaking films like What a Girl Wants and now you’re getting into trouble everywhere and tweeting that you want Drake to “murder [your] vagina.”  Honestly?  Murder it?  That doesn’t sound fun at all.

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Listen, I get what you’re saying.  And I get that you’re going through a Lindsay Lohan stage.  But perhaps you’re going about it wrong.  I mean, you don’t see Lindsay really thriving do you?

Please get it together and go back to staring in films involving Colin Firth dancing about in tight leather pants.

Thank you.

Sincerely,

Someone Who Wishes Your Vagina to Stay Unmurdered

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Dear Tim Hortons:

Why don’t you deliver? I can’t be the only one jonesing for your coffee and donuts and unable to leave their home or place of business.

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You could honestly charge me so much money for those items right now and I’d pay it if they were delivered.

Sincerely,

Tired Mama

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Dear Mother Nature:

It’s spring but it’s snowing and cold.  I’m told this is a “good” thing for the state’s agriculture business.  Since they got hit so hard last year, I’ll let this slide.

But you have like two weeks before I go insane.  You have been warned.

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Yours whether I like it or not,

Sick and Tired of the Cold

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Dear Queen Elizabeth:

I want you to know that I lobbied for one of the girls to be named after you.  And your trip to the Tube this week is just one reason why.  I mean, who else but you could have a reign that long, hold that much power, control that much money and be willing to take the damn subway?

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Also, your recent changes to the royal laws about girls being able to ascend to the throne and signaling that it’s time for changes with regard to LGBT rights…well, you had me at hello.  Or should I say “allo?”

Love always and forever,

One of Your Biggest Admirers

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Now it’s your turn!  Get things off your chest. And you can check out other Open Letters Fridays here.

And if you are interested in having your Open Letter featured on the next Open Letters Friday here at PCL, e-mail me atkim@perfectlycursedlife.com.

 

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