Now, I know I should be gushing about my amazing kids and fulfilling (even if maddening) job on here, but PCL was never meant to be a sloppy kiss from your Great Aunt…it was meant to extoll the virtues of bitching, moaning and finding pleasure in the little things. So that’s what we’re going to do since we do it best.
Plus…I really don’t like those “Day 15: I’m thankful for a roof over my head” posts. We’re all thankful if we get it. Sorry to be the Thanksgiving Grinch. (Or was that the pilgrims who claimed that role? My bad.)
Therefore, let’s talk turkey and get down to the real things to be thankful for this year…
1. A Year Where We Collectively Realized We Need More Women in Politics.
Now, I am thinking that most sane people realized this in 2013 or were already there. Hell, even Republicans are trying to get women candidates. (The trick for them is not alienating an entire gender in their policy choices, but I digress.) But this was the year of Wendy Davis and Leticia Van De Putte. This was the year when Susan Collins, Barbara Mikulski and Lisa Murkowski ended the government shutdown. And in no small measure, we’re starting to see that bitches get shit done. Now if we can only get that Clinton/Warren ticket we so need.
I know this sounds trite, but shopping clearance racks gives me the kind of cheap thrill that most people need drugs or alcohol to get. If I find a coupon that doesn’t exclude clearance and can stack it, it’s like mainlining savings-heroin into my heart–it’ll stop it for a moment, but in a sweet sort of way. I almost never buy the girls anything non-food or health related that isn’t on clearance (or sale with coupons). It’s the one thrill I have left and I’ll take it. Not to mention, in those early days of motherhood when I needed something to clear my head, bargain hunting was just what the doctor ordered. I’ve always loved it, now I am in love with it…like beyond putting a ring on it. Perhaps I need a Target clearance sticker tattoo.
3. Text Messaging
Again, I know…I can hear you. Things That Have Existed For Years Now, Alex. But hear me out on this one. When the girls were born, getting a phone call was just too much. It took energy, it took time and usually the call would take place when I was totally incapable of talking. Texting kept me in touch with people in the hospital and beyond and made me feel somewhat normal and somewhat functioning. Instead of feeling isolated, I felt connected. To all of those people who think texting is the downfall of society: I guess you didn’t see this one coming, did you? LOL, KTHANXBAI. Seriously, though…texting is just what the postpartum mom ordered.
4. The Block Function
Anything that has a block function is officially on this list. Why? Because sometimes you can’t unfriend or unfollow without causing a war, so blocking is the next best thing. Twitter has its lists which I use pretty exclusively. Facebook has its “hide” function which has made my life physically easier in the esophagial region since I don’t have to vomit at stupidity. All other block features are so beautiful. I’m fully okay with the fact that people are blocking me, too. I’m an equal opportunity block lover. (I think that deserves a That’s What She Said…but I’m not sure.) It really makes life easier to avoid people without letting them know that I’m avoiding them.
5. Having a Minivan
Some people mourn the day they bought a minivan. It seems so upper-middle class white suburban blah blah blah. No doubt that it is. I rail against that image, though. No stick figure family here. Just me and my liberal ways, driving a minivan while blasting AC/DC out the windows to throw off the teenagers. It’s also a smooth ride. It makes getting baby crap in and out of the car as easy as it can be. It gives the dog somewhere to sit when we’re on road trips. I actually don’t mind the minivan at all…part of me kind of loves it. I wouldn’t have it if we didn’t have kids. The gas mileage can’t justify it. But I’m not going to lie, it’s really nice. There goes my street cred. Turn up the classic rock. (That’s what the hip kids are listening to these days, right?)
What’s on your unsentimental Thanksgiving list?