How Far I’ll Go

I’ve been reading entirely too many blogs lately.  When you take that initial step into this blogging thing, you never realize how much time it takes to actually get some people to read the crap you dare to write.  In my time doing this, I have come across very good blogs (like the ones in my newly reconfigured blogroll to the right) and really bad blogs (like the kind whose posts are all center justified and without paragraph breaks).

I’ve been blogging and blogvoyeuring long enough now to know what will and will not come across this webpage.  Sure I’ll do the occasional meme or a cheapie post about my cat stealing my dog’s bed with a cute picture, but I’m not going to go all out and become That Blogger. You know That Blogger.  The one who can’t keep their blog together long enough to determine whether it’s about cooking, partying, kids, money or social media to save your life.  Likely this person will use an indeterminable amount of fonts and glittery objects to distract you.

So I thought maybe it was time to set some parameters and state what you will not find here.  It’s like that point early on in a relationship where you tell the other person that you really are crazy and they have two choices–get out now or learn to deal with it.  Only we’re not early on at all.  (I just checked; we have been dating for about nine months now. Long enough to make a child and file for child support.) Nevertheless, it’s time you know what you aren’t going to be getting at the end of this date.

Therefore, if you’re looking for the following things, I suggest you look elsewhere:

Fashion advice. I do not have any to give.  I do have some ridicule to go around, but that’s just sheer crap anyhow.  I mean, we all know that if you wear workout clothes to Target you’re going to get ridiculed.  Or at least we should all know that.

Stock tips. I have never purchased a stock.  Or a bond.  I’ve had savings bonds in my name.  But I know nothing when it comes to money.  My parents did as best of a job as they could, but financial stability or knowledge was not their strong suit.  I have not remedied this problem.

365 Days of Grace Things.  I don’t disagree with the concept, but I just have too much belief in all things sarcastic to be that overtly grateful on a semi-regular basis.

Marriage advice. Mine is far from perfect.  If you’re married, yours is far from perfect, too.  So I’m not about to tell you how to run your show.

Weekend Recaps. I’m sorry, but no one wants to hear about the mundane details of my weekend, largely involving finding ways to get fed without cooking food.

LOL.  LMAO.  ROFL. STFU.  WTF. etc. I didn’t start a blog to stop writing full words.  If I somehow do begin to walk into this territory better left to people who are on The Hills, please someone take me outback and shoot me.

Get rich quick schemes. If I had one (and believe me, I don’t), I wouldn’t be sharing it with the world.  I’d be out doing things with money that make me tingle because I’m not used to the foreign concept of disposable income.

Recipes. Unless it’s a recipie for disaster.  In which case, I suggest you don’t follow the recipe, but rather avoid it at all costs.

Pictures of me drinking. There are a few of these out there, but they’re really not safe for human consumption.  Plus, I don’t lead an interesting enough life to provide you with this type of material.  If I were to go have a drink now, I’d be in bed by 9. (Or I’ll just drunk blog on New Year’s and no one will stop me.)

Constant talk about kids and parenting. This is probably largely due to the fact that I have no kids.  But it’s also a conscious choice.  Kids are fun and all, but they exhaust me.

I do have good news, though.  If you’re willing to stick around, you’re going to find some very fun things like:

Examples of how my family is crazy and I am just as crazy.

Instances of me screwing something up, or having something break down, sometimes multiple times, to great fanfare.

Yearning and learning about my place in my life.

Complaints about marriage, work, career, family, friends and, yes, even to the smallest extent, my pets.

Honest rhetoric about what being a human means this day in age.

A key to listen to the Songs in My Head.

My take on what’s what in life.

And of course….my take on all things Duggar (right now they’re at the Creation Museum)(and watch out Duggars…I’m hooked on this Toddlers and Tiaras.  There’s a new crazy sheriff in town.)